Before You Talk to Mom About Moving, Check These Three Things

Most families start with the stairs. Mom is slowing down on them, the laundry is in the basement, and someone starts saying the word "move." That makes sense. But the answer isn't always a new house. Sometimes it's a new way of using the one she already has.

Before you talk to Mom about moving, walk through her home with three questions in mind. In a lot of Chicago bungalows and suburban split levels, the answers are already there.

1. Is there a first floor room that can become a bedroom?

Look past what the room is called today. A main floor office, den, or dining room nobody eats in can often become a bedroom with very little work. A door that closes, a window, and a closet or wardrobe go a long way.

Then check how far that room is from a bathroom. A full bath on the same floor is ideal. A half bath that could take a shower is the next best thing. The room you need may already be there. It's just been working a different job.

2. Can the laundry move to the main floor?

In many older Chicago homes, the washer and dryer live in the basement. That works fine until the basement stairs become the hardest part of her week, usually while carrying a full basket.

Look for a spot on the main floor that could take stackable units: a hall closet, a pantry, a corner of the kitchen or mudroom. A plumber can tell you quickly whether the water and venting are realistic. If they are, one of the biggest daily risks in the house goes away.

3. How accessible is the bathroom?

This is the room where most changes pay off. Look for a tub she has to step over, no grab bars, a low toilet, and a floor that gets slick when wet.

Many of these fixes are small: grab bars, a handheld shower, a taller toilet, better lighting. Bigger ones, like turning a tub into a walk in shower, take more planning but can change how long she can stay. An occupational therapist or a certified aging in place contractor can tell you what she needs, not just what looks nice.

Why staying is worth a real look

A home that worked one way for 40 years can often work a different way for the next 10. And for a lot of older adults, staying put means more than avoiding a move.

It's the neighbor who notices when the newspaper isn't picked up. The pharmacist who knows her by name. The kitchen where every holiday happened. When a move takes all of that at once, it's a bigger loss than square footage. Small changes that let her keep it are worth pricing out before anyone calls a moving company.

Then ask her one question

Once you've walked the house, sit down with her and ask: "How are you doing with all of this?"

Not what she's going to do. How she's doing. You'll learn more from that answer than from any checklist. She may be more ready than you think, or less. Either way, she belongs in the conversation from the very start. I wrote more about how to have that talk in How to Help Your Aging Parent Sell Their House in Chicago.

Stay or go, keep it flexible

Sometimes the answer is she can stay with a few changes. Sometimes it's time to look at options. And sometimes it's "stay for now," with a plan for later. All three are good answers when she helped choose them.

If you'd like a calm place to start, comment SENIOR on my Instagram for my Senior Transition Guide, or reach out directly. I'm working on her timeline, however long it takes.

Staci Yesner, ABR®, SRES®, CSA®, is a licensed Illinois real estate broker with Compass and a Certified Senior Advisor, specializing in senior transitions, relocation, and first time buyers across Chicago and the surrounding suburbs. She can be reached at staci.yesner@compass.com or 773.251.6103.